The last time I cried, it was in Croatia. It was in the middle of the night. I just finished watching Dear John and when I watch sad movies like that, my mind tends to make my life look like a love story written by Nicholas Sparks. So I cried.

Well, that's not true. I cried about an hour ago. And I think, the moment right before I drift off to sleep, I'll be crying again.

Why am I the way I am? Why can't I be someone else? Someone likeable, sociable and maybe even lovable. Why am I awkward, distant, and slightly standoffish.

Sure, you can say it's a state of mind and you can change it, but to you, all I can say: shut the fuck up.

This is how I am. I have low self-esteem. No pep-talk saying, "you can change, you just need to put your mind into it!" is going to change that. If anything, it only makes it worse. Some people are born with it. Some people learn it from a young age. I just wasn't lucky.

I'm not a Dari.

And I guess that's the problem. Why the fuck am I not? Well, here's the simple truth darling: you're just not her. You're just sad, pathetic you and that's all you're ever going to be.















"And honestly, I'm not sure if I should keep holding on or let go. It's stupid to hold on to something that just keeps hurting you, but it's also stupid to let go of everything you ever wanted."