I haven't slept one bit. This has got to end. For the past 2 weeks and a bit, my sleeping patterns have just been messed up. I had this conversation with Jj...
[29/07/2010 22:05:16] JJ Park: :)
[29/07/2010 22:05:26] Elida: brb
[29/07/2010 22:05:30] Elida: dinner!
[29/07/2010 22:05:39] Elida: and then i'll take a looooong hot bath ;)
[29/07/2010 22:09:40] JJ Park: dinner?
[29/07/2010 22:09:42] JJ Park: its 10 pm
[29/07/2010 22:28:23] Elida: yeah well i had breakfast at 2pm
[29/07/2010 22:28:25] Elida: so... dinner's at 10
[29/07/2010 22:28:29] Elida: :P
[29/07/2010 22:29:01] JJ Park: ..
[29/07/2010 22:29:02] JJ Park: riiight
[29/07/2010 22:29:29] Elida: what? i don't go to sleep until 3am anyway so it's all good :P
[29/07/2010 22:29:39] JJ Park: so technically
[29/07/2010 22:29:48] JJ Park: ur still lving in like us time zome :)
It did not dawn upon me that I was still in the US time zone. It did not occur to me that I may just in fact be suffering from a long-term case of jet-lag. Blond moment, much?
Apart from that, I'm just really annoyed with a 'friend' of mine. I told myself I wasn't going to bitch about anyone openly on this blog but a girl needs to vent otherwise she explodes. And when she does, it ain't pretty! But in order for it to be less mean, I'll try stay as neutral as possible and not drop names. :)
WHAT A HOEBAG! >.<
hahaha. Just kidding. I was being contradictory, you see. Get it? No. Okay. Moving on.
I've tried patching things up, going out of my way to make things easier between the two of us. Trying to be at least friendly with each other but now we're merely 'acquaintances' and I don't know how to function like that. Given our circumstance, it's going to be really hard. So, whoever who might notice, I hope you understand my absence in... well... life. Vague? Well, yeah. Staying neutral, remember? I just wish she would not make it so blatantly obvious that she just doesn't feel so close to me. I mean, I get it. It's not like I'm her best friend or anything, but at least have the decency of replying to my wallpost. That's just being courteous, okay? Should not be so hard.
Some may say that I've brought this down on myself because I've found other people. But really, is that a crime? So what if I go out and get some perspective? So what if I get out of my comfort zone from time to time? So what if I don't only gravitate towards you? So what if I live a little more rather than sit at home watching other people live? It may have not improved me in school or whatever, but as a person, socially, I feel like I've reached milestones! I'm not this shy little anti-social asian nerd stuck in one corner with a book in front of my face, standing back being a wallflower. I mean, we're only teenagers once in our lives... might as well live it up while we still can and we're allowed to screw up! Life's a huge rollercoaster ride. We're entitled to some thrills.
Since when did life get so serious? Schoolwork, ballroom dancing, studying for exams. I get it, all of this is important. I know I'm not one of those people who don't try hard at all and still get a good grade on something. I'm not naturally smart that way. I work reasonably hard, and study as much as I can (albeit the day before) in order to get the grade I think I deserve. I can't just not study and get a 7. It just doesn't work. But that doesn't mean I should spend my weekends studying my ass off and focusing only about getting a stupid number on my report card. Granted, those silly old numbers make a difference. But see, in my opinion, if they don't matter to you, then they really don't matter at all. So what if it matters to a university? To your future employers? Screw them!
This sort of attitude is very silly, but really, grades only become important up to a certain extent. My circle of friends don't get that, my parents don't get that and neither do my siblings. So hear me out. When you're 80, in your deathbed, you're not going to be thinking about how many points you got in the IB. You're going to be thinking about the night you spent in the hospital suffering from hypothermia because the night before the IB, you decided to go skinny dipping with a whole bunch of friends just for the sake of it. You're not going to be thinking about that grade you got on your Grade 10 end of year Math exam. You'll be thinking about the first time you locked eyes with the love of your life. And you will definitely not remember all those endless day and nights you spent locked in your room studying for a test. You're remembering the moment your child first says, "Mama" to you. (I'm saying this assuming my readership is strictly the female gender, if I'm wrong, I apologise. In your case they'll say Dad or something. But babies hardly say Dad... so.)
Do you get it? Grades will only get you so far. In the end, it's up to you. And no matter what you choose, you chose right. You know why? Because at the moment when you chose it, it was exactly what you needed. It could've been the right one which lead you to the awesome person you are now... or a mistake which you will forever learn a lesson from. Either way, life's not THAT short to be afraid of making mistakes. Life's for living. So go live a little. ;)
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