1. Dad, I think I might take you up on that offer of going back to Malaysia. I want something new. Something good for me. I want to escape. Get away from here. I want to return to a time where I felt good in my own skin, with friends I knew were real and when all these little things didn't matter. I want my confidence back. I want to trust people again. I want to stop trying so fucking hard.
2. Sophie, I'm sorry about the Svabek thing. Honest to God. I want to do it, but I won't invest so much time and effort into something I don't feel so strongly about. I didn't feel like this earlier, but after a lot of thinking, I think it's for the best. I really hope you understand. I know, you probably see this as a let down, like many of the other things I've done in the past. But honestly, I never meant to hurt you in any way. This is about me. Not about you.
3. My old English teacher, Mrs. Cheong, I miss you. And I wish you were here to knock some sense in my head. Remind me that there are bigger things in life. Make me fall in love with poetry again. Talking to you and spending time in your office discussing about deeper things always made me look at things in life a little bit better. Now, more than anything, some of that wisdom would be of much help.
4. My ex, Firhard, yeah. I cut you off. It was for the best. You were happy. I wasn't. I probably would've done something to stop you from being happy. Probably pull something from 'My Best Friend's Wedding' or something like that. Not that you've ever watched that movie. Anywho, I won't say I wish you well because I'd be lying but I will tell you this: I'm glad that karma did all your dirty work for you!
5. Alya, you're my best friend in this whole wide world. A lot of the time, I don't feel like I have one. But I'd like to think that I will always have you. Regardless. You and me? Tighter than a nun's vagina!
6. Robert Pattinson, you were my numero uno but times have changed. I still love you. You were, after all, my first celebrity love. And that's always hard to shake off. But now, there's someone new. His name is Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You may be familiar with him. Anywho, but do not fret! I will gladly have casual sex with you from time to time. You know... for old time's sake.
7. My two brothers who are with me right now, Adzrai and Adil, you guys are pretty damn epic. And I don't call people epic very often. So consider yourselves honoured. All the laughter you've brought out of me. All the light that you've given me when this whole time I was in a neverending tunnel. For all that I say thank you. And I love you both. And despite the age difference, and the minimal time we spend with each other, I think those things make us work even better as siblings. Gonna miss y'all when you leave!
8. That guy I saw at that castle in Ediburgh wearing a gray jacket with some worn gray Chuck Taylor's accompanying his parents. Yeah, you. (The details are all muddled up, but in my head, I can see you clearly.) You are super cute. And I'd totally have approached you if I weren't an introverted fuck. I'd bring you out and shop for Vinyl and we'd listen to them together. Then, I'd use my polaroid camera and take ridiculous candid shots of you. And I'd make you coffee, you'd make me hot chocolate with marshmellows and we cuddle under the hotel sheets for a little bit. I wish.
9. Ginger, I miss you bubu! Suffering from terrible withdrawal symptoms here. Hope you're having fun. No having unprotected sex, okay? I may be with two other men... but believe me, when I'm down and lonely and crying my eyes out over some boy, it's you, Ginger, who I want to be cuddling with. No one else but you. Mommy loves you, too.
10. Aforementioned boy, you are a mindfuck. I hope you're proud of that. It can be listed in your achievements or something as, "Fucking with Elida's mind, heart and soul to a point where she's just damaged. Damaged for a good year at least. I wasted over a year of her life when she started liking me, and now I'm going to waste another year of her life because she is trying to get over me." Let's hear it for you, huh? That's one hell of an accomplishment. I bet you go to sleep feeling so good about yourself, don't you? Fuck you.
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