Pissed. Pissed Off. Pissy.

Pissed = Being drunk.
Pissed off = Definitely angry.
Pissy = Acting angry constantly.

As long as we're clear on those three phrases and their meanings, we'll be okay.

These last couple of days have been hard for me. I've been mad at everyone, not happy with everything, and pessimistic towards life. Which is very unlike me considering I (normally) exude positivity and optimism. Little things make me angry, I over analyze everything, and I'm giving myself constant headaches. Thankfully, I've lost myself in a book called 'Remember Me?' by Sophie Kinsella.

My nose has been stuck in this book for the last 48 hours. It's a nice book to lose yourself in, pretend everything's okay, forget all life's imperfections and just read about other people's lives. Thing is, you get involved with this book, and you start getting attached and before you know it - you're reading it even when you're crossing the road! Fortunately, drivers in Vienna are very considerate to pedestrians and so I could get away with that! Anyway, my dear friend Shirley lended this book to me on Sunday. The only reason why I've read it so late is because I read this other book called 'Stick or Twist' by Eleanor Moran. A highly enjoyable read as well. That was actually one of my birthday pressies. Eternal thanks to Nourhan for the book, without you, I wouldn't be looking forward to my early thirties!

Right, back to my main problem. I've been really pissy lately. It's not lovely for my friends who have to ask me, "What's wrong?" and it's also horrible when I lie to them and say, "Nothing. I'm fine."

Sometimes, I feel a little hurt when everyone seems to believe me. Shouldn't they know better? But somehow, at the same time, I'm glad they don't pester me. I wouldn't really tell them what's bothering me anyway. What? Should I say, "Oh yes. I'm annoyed cause you're awfully close to my other friend." and maybe say, "Right. I'm also annoyed that you guys hardly include me in. I mean, sure, I should put some effort but what if I'm tired? What if I want to automatically feel in without needing to do something about it." or maybe even, "I don't want to go to the bloody birthday party because I'm bloody self-conscious about my physical self and I am not about to let guys from my grade, who hardly know me, to see me in my bathing suit!"

I don't know. It's such petty, little things that sometimes I want to laugh about it. But even so, it still makes me annoyed. Makes me agitated. And my 'friends' can't seem to understand it. I don't know, I think my 'pissy-ness' is slowly making me lose my friends. Slowly, but surely. If I were them, I wouldn't befriend me either. I would not tolerate my bullocks. But it's not something I can control, can I? Like Spock, I can't control my feelings. They just happen. I just feel. No questions asked.

Whatever. I'm just an annoyed little person. And I need somewhere to rant about it. Thing is, in situations like this, I have my friends. But I can't even go to my friends for this. I cringe at the thought of telling them what's really going inside my head. Surely that's horrible, isn't it? That's what I thought.

Oh well, at times like these... I wish I were old enough, and able to handle the aftermath, to be pissed. I want to be pissed. Argh!


Hope you're all well.